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Zeus1070

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Zeus1070
  • Town/Country : The Armpit of Palmdale, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 270
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Zeus1070's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

#21095894
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39475) - you deserved it (4479)

On 03/25/2014 at 7:36am - misc - by disappointed - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

#21086172
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39695) - you deserved it (5035)

On 03/14/2014 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

#21064600
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36515) - you deserved it (4750)

On 02/18/2014 at 4:15pm - health - by dating a pussy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

#21063762
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16821) - you deserved it (37269)

On 02/17/2014 at 8:57pm - health - by Tomb Raider Wannabe (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

#21061692
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46725) - you deserved it (6266)

On 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

#21037837
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41895) - you deserved it (4962)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:28am - misc - by Estee1024 - United States (California)

Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML

#21031747
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46048) - you deserved it (5212)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

#20993322
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33210) - you deserved it (2553)

On 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by ANONYMOUS -_- (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

#20982904
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45820) - you deserved it (7652)

On 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by fuckadaisical (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60863) - you deserved it (4212)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

#20933266
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39714) - you deserved it (17502)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:54am - love - by what did I do? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

#20889279
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41010) - you deserved it (9529)

On 09/20/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

#20867699
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37581) - you deserved it (4145)

On 09/04/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

#20838395
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48223) - you deserved it (3170)

On 08/15/2013 at 5:47am - work - by bglenney - United States (California)



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