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Zeus1070

Offline (the 12/12/2014 at 7:32am) | Search for a member

Zeus1070

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 654
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Zeus1070's page activity

Visits<b>tooyoungtooold</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 6:34pm<b>heyyjessi</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 7:27am<b>tintaroja</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 6:23pm<b>erjazo</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 12:19pm<b>appleluver7</b> - the 09/03/2013 at 7:34pm<b>A7XfanfoREVer28</b> - the 09/01/2013 at 12:50pm<b>supersavvy</b> - the 06/03/2013 at 5:06pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 05/15/2013 at 2:48pm<b>xALEXx</b> - the 05/12/2013 at 5:26am<b>friedchickenpie</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 2:29pm<b>rttr</b> - the 03/24/2013 at 10:06pm<b>oj101</b> - the 02/02/2013 at 4:15am<b>jonnied23</b> - the 01/22/2013 at 10:11pm<b>SokDek</b> - the 12/31/2012 at 2:31am<b>Ozuru</b> - the 12/23/2012 at 2:11pm<b>sheethapins</b> - the 12/19/2012 at 11:04am

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Zeus1070's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

#21299443
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29593) - you deserved it (8013)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:25am - misc - by That_Indian_Guy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31570) - you deserved it (2842)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML

#21297627
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29400) - you deserved it (8295)

On 11/12/2014 at 11:00am - health - by juggalomurderer59 (man) - United States

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

#21239517
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42467) - you deserved it (13791)

On 08/17/2014 at 2:15am - kids - by you ripped them off ages ago (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

#21237562
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35397) - you deserved it (5017)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40934) - you deserved it (25776)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48473) - you deserved it (5592)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I went to a coworker's wedding. Instead of getting to celebrate their marriage, we spent most of the service being lectured by the priest on how women are a freak by-product of "God's masterpiece design" and are the cause of all the world's problems. FML

#21233096
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35984) - you deserved it (3096)

On 08/09/2014 at 4:56am - misc - by Anonymous - Malawi

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

#21233010
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37324) - you deserved it (2574)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:59am - misc - by I already have one, thanks (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38874) - you deserved it (12866)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57772) - you deserved it (7998)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

#21183414
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42234) - you deserved it (5626)

On 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm - misc - by icandothecancan - United States (Oklahoma)



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