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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
Friday 2 October 2015