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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ZTB13

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ZTB13
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1159
  • Number of comments : 48
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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ZTB13's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mom died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML

#18041933 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (12729) - you deserved it (31643) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm - misc - by Virginiedetibo - France

Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#15632766 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (10367) - you deserved it (5479)

On 04/04/2011 at 6:13am - kids - by arbiter3 -

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260 (745)

I agree, your life sucks (58476) - you deserved it (10923)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

#15409356 (379)

I agree, your life sucks (31638) - you deserved it (5238)

On 03/21/2011 at 12:25am - health - by radiationkillz (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

#15408372 (140)

I agree, your life sucks (24572) - you deserved it (4638)

On 03/20/2011 at 11:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912 (602)

I agree, your life sucks (26593) - you deserved it (35039)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

#15366508 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (21891) - you deserved it (4286)

On 03/18/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by nosleeptilpissoff (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

#15339337 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (33473) - you deserved it (8222)

On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

#15334821 (315)

I agree, your life sucks (11830) - you deserved it (34531)

On 03/16/2011 at 9:01am - work - by Almostfunny (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

#15184049 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (17423) - you deserved it (4290)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:20am - animals - by panda -

Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML

#15170920 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (28606) - you deserved it (2184)

On 03/02/2011 at 12:24am - misc - by Acesup111 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML

#15133250 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (21285) - you deserved it (2102)

On 02/27/2011 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

#15087841 (220)

I agree, your life sucks (16569) - you deserved it (30624)

On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I was sitting in social studies and someone threw a note at me. It said "Go fuck yourself, everyone hates you, just die." FML

#15001242 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (36124) - you deserved it (3481)

On 02/16/2011 at 10:30am - misc - by oheyimsarahh - United States

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

#14990668 (315)

I agree, your life sucks (37072) - you deserved it (9934)

On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)