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50 favourites
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Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52160) - you deserved it (5627)
On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States
Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8743) - you deserved it (76386)
On 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 mins. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18532) - you deserved it (31624)
On 07/08/2009 at 8:08am - work - by joybirdnot_13 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8549) - you deserved it (34364)
On 07/03/2009 at 2:29am - love - by pinkrazrgirl247 - United States
Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48173) - you deserved it (2116)
On 07/02/2009 at 8:18pm - work - by alwaysxgettingxshitxon (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38428) - you deserved it (15701)
On 07/02/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by S4L - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was home alone in the shower when in the opening of the curtain, I could see a man in a ski mask. I passed out, hit my head on the tub. I then found out it was my dad pulling a prank on me. I almost died cause my dad wanted to see me scream like a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42340) - you deserved it (3293)
On 07/01/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by dfan13 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12245) - you deserved it (37568)
On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49127) - you deserved it (6971)
On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bicurious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML
I agree, your life sucks (45928) - you deserved it (2389)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33617) - you deserved it (4057)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:16am - health - by usmcpain (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11506) - you deserved it (30846)
On 06/21/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Crispy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34266) - you deserved it (12101)
On 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm - misc - by meantowheels (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32377) - you deserved it (3165)
On 06/20/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by babasheep - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8264) - you deserved it (45160)
On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 20 May 2013
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