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Xellith's favorite FMLs
by booste / 10/18/2009 at 12:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, I was in a hurry to get to work and I put on yesterday's jeans. While at my meeting an employee asked me if 'that' was mine and pointed to something on the floor next to me. Which was yesterday's underwear. FML
by Sbfreak510 / 10/16/2009 at 12:30pm / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML
by Few_Absolutes / 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
by cbarebo / 10/11/2009 at 1:21pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML
by prickly / 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by oxjessiiox / 10/11/2009 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
by BEE / 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML
by perfectmoment / 10/10/2009 at 6:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML
by belle_arina / 10/08/2009 at 1:05am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML
by vbscb / 10/07/2009 at 6:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML
by coolchicka05 / 10/06/2009 at 4:28am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML
by limecat / 10/06/2009 at 3:12am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2009 at 8:22pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy
- Today, I was told I'd need thousand-pound surgery to correct my spinal issue. Tomorrow, my medical… Today, I got my novice license. When I got home I asked my parents if I could drive my boyfriend to… Today, I missed points on a visual inspection at work. Being the manager, I stayed after close the…