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XanderJayNix's favorite FMLs
Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML
by craigtm029429 / 03/01/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by Fairy31 / 02/29/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
by Crying / 02/29/2012 at 3:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Geek
Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML
by ouch / 02/29/2012 at 2:18pm / Italy (Emilia-Romagna) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML
by . / 02/26/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by 97 / 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML
by amythest / 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/02/2012 at 11:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2011 at 10:07pm / China / Miscellaneous
by blegh / 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by newlysingle / 12/14/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Love
- Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked… Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated.… Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2am. This old man…