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XanderJayNix's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
by ohhdear.___. / 03/26/2012 at 10:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Teenagegirl / 03/26/2012 at 12:11am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by user210 / 03/25/2012 at 11:05pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML
by analeis / 03/25/2012 at 2:04pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Health
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 8:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by justgreat / 03/23/2012 at 10:30pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by J.O.S / 03/21/2012 at 5:06pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML
by brooke / 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
by ReallyBro / 03/21/2012 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Jen / 03/20/2012 at 1:11am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML
by CutePenguin / 03/17/2012 at 6:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by noneedtostress / 03/17/2012 at 11:52am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy
- Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My… Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the… Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp.…
- Today, after spending months comparing the previous weather forecasts to work out the exact date,… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,…