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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Socialite
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I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30275) - you deserved it (8665)
On 03/25/2012 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19324) - you deserved it (3806)
On 03/23/2012 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by justgreat - United States (Florida)
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38123) - you deserved it (3219)
On 03/23/2012 at 1:55am - intimacy - by mrricecakes (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16462) - you deserved it (1875)
On 03/21/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by J.O.S (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8164) - you deserved it (45185)
On 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by brooke (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23037) - you deserved it (6854)
On 03/21/2012 at 3:27am - intimacy - by ReallyBro (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21608) - you deserved it (4532)
On 03/20/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Jen (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20578) - you deserved it (3267)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18026) - you deserved it (1102)
On 03/17/2012 at 6:26pm - misc - by CutePenguin (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26137) - you deserved it (6804)
On 03/17/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by noneedtostress - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15089) - you deserved it (8038)
On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland
Today, I had just finished up at work. I was standing on a street corner, waiting to cross to get to my car on the other side. I had three people pull up beside me and ask me how much I charged. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18288) - you deserved it (6789)
On 03/15/2012 at 4:44pm - love - by W45T3D_Y0UTH (woman) - Canada
Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21599) - you deserved it (2184)
On 03/15/2012 at 7:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25238) - you deserved it (1329)
On 03/15/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by Bebefer - United States (California)
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28246) - you deserved it (1763)
On 03/14/2012 at 10:01pm - misc - by CallaC (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Monday 20 May 2013
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