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Offline (the 09/01/2014 at 7:45pm) | Search for a member
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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
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Yesterday Mah Parents Went Out Of Town And I Was Home All Alone. I Put Up Party Decorations Such As Streamers, Balloons And Confetti. Then, I Drank Out Of Red Cups, Crushed Them Up And Put Them All Over The House. I Didn't Have A Party, I Just Wanted To Convince Mah Family That I'm Not A Loser. FML
Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement . Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate . FML
2DAY WHILE I WAS IN THE MIDST OF THE MOST MIND-BLOWING SHOWER SEX EVER, THE FIRE ALARM WENT OFF. MY GIRLFRIEND HAD LEFT THE STOVE TOP ON AN THE ENTIRE KITCHEN HAD CAUGHT ON FIRE. SO INSTEAD OF FINISHING, I FRANTICALLY RAN AROUND NAKED TRYING TO DOUSE THE FLAMES. FML
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of themho was quite attractive . He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face . He apologized, and I then 4 some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
Today , I arrived at work , only to fine my computer's massive CRT monitor had been smashed up beyond belief. Everyone else has flat-screen monitors , an I'd made no secret of how unfair it is to me. According to my boss , this makes me the obvious culprit , an now I'm suspended. FML
TODAY , ANOTHER OF MY DAD'S BLIND DATES WENT BAD , SO I TOOK HIM OUT 4 A BEER. I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TO FRESHEN UP , ANDHEN I CAME BACK , TWO GUYS WERE CONGRATULATING MY DAD ON SCORING SUCH A HOT PIECE OF ASS , AND SAID THE SEX MUST BE AWESOME. MY DAD PLAYD ALONG WITH IT. FML
Today , I introducd mah Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time!! Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English , I was the translator!! The first thing he said to her was , "You r really pretty." I translatd it as "I like other men." Later , they found out!! big fat FML
Today... after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores... I bought mah fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal... "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
Today, grlfriend saw the name ( Melissa ) on phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accusd me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormd out of house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. fat FML
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask y she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
Today,hile my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock . She stoppd the car, pointd and said, "Some guy fuckd me right there . I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finishd in his car." FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on mah bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently mah mom has boundary issues, mah dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing . FML
Friday 27 March 2015