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XanderJayNix's favorite FMLs
Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML
by Teaching / 11/12/2009 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML
by noexceptions / 11/11/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came in to work and found the conference room white boards completely clean. My assistant wiped all the white boards where I spent 10 hours writing schedule for the next three months. I was going to meet with all supervisors to finalize that schedule today. FML
by CorpDrone / 11/03/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, good news! The guitar I have been saving up for, for 5 months, finally arrived. It came inside a beautiful black and white case, and impossible to get into without the key. They didn't pack the key. FML
by RedLion23 / 11/03/2009 at 3:08pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got an e-mail from a girl, asking if my boyfriend was indeed my boyfriend. I sent back a gushing message about how much I loved him and how well he treated me. She replied "Yeah, I know. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, too." FML
by OhJoy / 11/02/2009 at 12:08am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
by FailedEngineer / 10/20/2009 at 5:31pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML
by Halloweenie / 10/16/2009 at 4:44am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals
Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML
by quietsleeper / 10/13/2009 at 7:07am / United States (Florida) / Love
by R-R-R-Ray / 09/25/2009 at 10:37am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy
Today, my 7 year old daughter decided to use my laptop without my permission. She accidentally got SpaghettiOs on the screen, then used the hard side of a sponge, filled with soapy water, to scrub both the keyboard and screen of my laptop to clean it off so Mommy wouldn't know. FML
by Sadmom / 09/17/2009 at 7:58pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, while at my parent's house I decided to take a shower. I had to use my sister's bathroom and once out, grabbed a comb from her cupboard to brush my hair. I then noticed the clumps of hair on my shoulders. It's a razor comb on one side, regular on the other. I used the wrong side. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
by awkwardbf / 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML
by Jeremy / 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by jkon / 08/04/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by mandy / 07/31/2009 at 9:51pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work
- Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to… Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any… Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker…