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Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33883) - you deserved it (2725)
On 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24707) - you deserved it (13470)
On 06/10/2012 at 5:16am - love - by fernie vazquez - United States (California)
Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14824) - you deserved it (4262)
On 06/05/2012 at 7:56am - work - by whattdafuuukkkk (woman) - United States
Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17964) - you deserved it (2127)
On 06/05/2012 at 3:27am - misc - by KenzFell (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24820) - you deserved it (1895)
On 06/01/2012 at 3:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22804) - you deserved it (2309) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26576) - you deserved it (6409)
On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States
Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15944) - you deserved it (1190)
On 05/29/2012 at 7:40am - money - by brunurb (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23510) - you deserved it (1610)
On 05/27/2012 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28064) - you deserved it (3450)
On 05/22/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13529) - you deserved it (2758)
On 05/22/2012 at 12:11pm - love - by boblaj (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)
Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18070) - you deserved it (2908)
On 05/22/2012 at 7:02am - misc - by Rick - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18957) - you deserved it (1948)
On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21544) - you deserved it (1648)
On 05/19/2012 at 6:54pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28892) - you deserved it (3585)
On 05/19/2012 at 11:08am - intimacy - by maggierose171 - United States (Wisconsin)
Friday 24 May 2013
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