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Wolfy1337's favorite FMLs
Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML
by Annonymous_Dad / 05/01/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML
by vegas518 / 05/01/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML
by Anonymous / 04/28/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 3:54am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML
by Annieisnotokay / 04/17/2013 at 6:20am / United Kingdom / Health
by Aaronator25 / 04/17/2013 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by lonelygirl / 04/09/2013 at 12:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking to my car after work, I witnessed some moron who was texting while riding her bike running right into my parked car, resulting in a broken side mirror, a damaged windshield, two dents, and for her, a broken phone and nose. She's threatening to sue me for damages. FML
by Anon / 04/08/2013 at 6:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 7:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by Ribbed for Her Disaster / 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML
by kenabrookee / 04/03/2013 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Love
by QuinnyZebrass / 04/02/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML
by haku4u / 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm / United States (Florida) / Money
Today, for my birthday, the only "gift" my parents gave me was the gift of choice: I got to choose which one of them I'll be living with after their upcoming divorce. This was the first time I'd heard anything about a divorce. FML
by HappyBirthdayISuppose / 04/01/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded… Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to… Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob,…