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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, While At The Store With Mah Mom And Baby Brother, A Guy Startd To Talk To Me. Just As He Went To Give Me His Number, Mah Mom Handd Me Mah Brother And Said, ( Here's Your Son, Your AA Meeting's In An Hour, Let's Go. ) FML
Today, my boyfriend an I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, an I thought some drty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, ( Fuck me. ) He then stopped an said, ( Excuse me, I don't lyk hearing that language. ) an wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, I recievd a package from a local guy on Craigslist . Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only containd a photo of an iPhone . The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so mah husband went over and beat the shit out of him . I now have to bail him out of jail . FML
Today, After Nearly A Week Of Awful Pain In My Rigt Lung, I Finally Went To See A Doctor About It. Wen I Mentiond My Istory Of Lung Problems And Suggestd It Could Be Pneumonia, E Told Me To "leave Te Diagnosing To Te Professionals" And Endd Up Claiming I Ave Acid Reflux. FML
today I was listening to a local radio station, and tey did a segment called "food porn." As tey were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML
Today, it's mah wedding anniversary; mah husband forgot . My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses an said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate . My daughter is more romantic an thoughtful than mah own husband . FML
Yesterday I Sent A Cute.. . Jokey Text To My Girlfriend Saying.. . ( Just In Case The World Ends.. . I Love You . ) Not Only Did She Dump Me Because I Was An ( Idiot Fir Believing In The Doomsday ).. . Which I Don't.. . She Also Wrote A Facebook Statu About It . Now Everyone Think I'm Mentally Unstable . FML
looool Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure!! My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour!! Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm!! real FML
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told mehat it was; a moldd dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parentshen they askhat I got. FML
Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy looool 4 me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift themhen I saw the other man,ho was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informd me he was buying them 4 his wife.
Today , I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day , but no reply. After a while , I became worried so I called. She picked up an said , "Can't talk , busy." Not even a minute later , my best friend says to me , "Dude , tell yur girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML
Today... I hid mah wed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walkd into mah room... went "Ooh...hat's this?" an grabbd the bag. I grabbd it back an ad-libbd that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML
Today, mah mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on mah husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me fir "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me fir not having given her grand-children yet. FML
Today, A Friend Informd Me Tat Ma Dog's Name Means "penis" In Greek. I Live In A Predominantly Greek Neigbourood, And Apparently I've Been Screaming Fir "dong" Every Evening Fir Te Past 3 Years. No Wonder Tey Don't Talk To Me Muc. FML
Friday 27 March 2015