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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16219) - you deserved it (3492)
On 02/11/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15908) - you deserved it (5287)
On 02/11/2010 at 8:33am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41384) - you deserved it (4588)
On 08/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by doomed (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25822) - you deserved it (1895)
On 08/22/2009 at 11:39am - love - by roostergirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12258) - you deserved it (26609)
On 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by drooler (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22088) - you deserved it (60443)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML
I agree, your life sucks (12780) - you deserved it (44640)
On 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by unlucky (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peak at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5584) - you deserved it (57380)
On 08/05/2009 at 9:37am - love - by TextLoser (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34095) - you deserved it (56891)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58115) - you deserved it (3704)
On 08/03/2009 at 12:33pm - intimacy - by myparentsarehoes (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my co-worker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she goes to the manager and accuses me of sexual harassment. Everyone applauded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40441) - you deserved it (2426)
On 08/03/2009 at 10:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, I decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away. Four Red Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving halfway across the country to find your girlfriend in bed with another guy? FML
I agree, your life sucks (64477) - you deserved it (3689)
On 08/03/2009 at 1:15am - love - by Tuck_My_Life (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38223) - you deserved it (3055)
On 08/03/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43112) - you deserved it (1484)
On 08/02/2009 at 8:59pm - misc - by amburrr (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (53040) - you deserved it (3802)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)
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