I'm AWESOOOME!!!
Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why he said. "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied". FML
I agree, your life sucks (48555) - you totally deserved it (1633)
On 06/14/2009 at 1:42am - kids - by andthatshowitgoes (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
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On 06/13/2009 at 11:13am - misc - by Toothy_Peg (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML
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On 06/13/2009 at 7:01am - love - by Mojo_Jojo (woman) - China (Beijing)
Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML
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On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML
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On 04/05/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by brizzle (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML
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On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked, I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband, disoriented from sleeping, came running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML
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On 04/03/2009 at 5:07am - misc - by sodaxpopxhiccups (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML
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On 04/02/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by SupaSu - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML
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On 03/31/2009 at 11:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML
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On 03/31/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML
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On 03/31/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by jkl54 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML
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On 03/31/2009 at 6:44am - love - by lizzardbreath (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I came home to find a puppy in my backyard. Thinking it was lost or a stray I took it to the pound. My boyfriend came home and asked me if I had seen my present. The puppy. We went back to the pound to get it, but it had already been sold. FML
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On 03/28/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by puppy (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML
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On 03/25/2009 at 3:31pm - misc - by Lady_Luck (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was invited to a pink panty party at my neighbor's apt. I went out and bought the cutest pair of pink panties and went over to the party in only them and a matching bra. When I opened the door everyone was wearing jeans. Apparently a pink panty is a mixed drink. FML
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On 03/25/2009 at 4:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)
