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Vonni

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Vonni

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  • Number of visits : 3766
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Vonni's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to sing a sweet lullaby to my two year old son. In the process, he smacked me in the face and told me to please stop. My sister sings to him all the time and he loves it. FML

#16956898
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29704) - you deserved it (5895)

On 07/03/2011 at 1:36am - kids - by dee - United States

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML

#16263941
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26527) - you deserved it (14169)

On 05/20/2011 at 6:07am - misc - by Max Flynn -

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

#16126147
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60966) - you deserved it (4749)

On 05/11/2011 at 1:17am - intimacy - by Chels (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I made a cup of tea at work. Whilst talking to a work mate I took a sip of the tea which I had forgotten was boiling hot and laughed at the same time, causing it to come out of my nose. I have blistered my whole mouth and even burnt my nostrils. FML

#16104583
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28539) - you deserved it (9569)

On 05/09/2011 at 1:23pm - misc - by Username - China

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

#16016307
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37090) - you deserved it (9708)

On 05/02/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by ohtheshame -

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

#15896670
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42851) - you deserved it (6879)

On 04/23/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by nightDREAMERms (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthly conversation, my girlfriend mentions "And he always farts during sex." FML

#15895306
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38393) - you deserved it (9923)

On 04/23/2011 at 4:37am - intimacy - by Sadman (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

#6528104
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35852) - you deserved it (5325)

On 11/30/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, while flying on American Airlines back from visiting family, a new born puked its breakfast all over my HP mini, knocked my orange juice ino my lap, and than coughed up another layer on top of it all. I couldn't change my pants because of we were about to experience turbulance. FML

#6527445
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34994) - you deserved it (2679)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:34am - kids - by coloradoman (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

#6510557
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10489) - you deserved it (36101)

On 11/29/2009 at 9:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML

#6510411
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29271) - you deserved it (5706)

On 11/29/2009 at 8:49am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

#6494130
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59843) - you deserved it (6396)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm - love - by IB6UB9 - United States

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

#6475314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12072) - you deserved it (25135)

On 11/27/2009 at 5:11am - misc - by Nick (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was cheering up the girl I've been in love with for years. She was having one of those, "I'm ugly, no one wants to be with me" days. To cheer herself up, she said to me, "If you were a hot guy, you'd date me, right?" FML

#6217069
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39927) - you deserved it (3908)

On 11/08/2009 at 7:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

#6153235
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43768) - you deserved it (7404)

On 11/04/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)



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