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About Vasir : "Don't lay a cloak of guilt around my shoulders because others are evil."
"those who have come here to hate should leave now, for in their hatred they only betray themselves"
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Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML
Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML
Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML
Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML
Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML
Today, I used my inhaler for the first time in a year. As soon as I took a puff I felt something strange go down my throat. Upon closer inspection I discovered there had been a spider living in the mouth of my inhaler... and I had just swallowed it. FML
Today, I was riding the bus home from the Verizon store after getting my brand new EnV Touch. I was taking pictures with it when I noticed a woman with very nice boobs. I zoomed in to get a better picture when she looked at me with a disgusted face. The external display was on. FML
Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML
Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML
Friday 26 June 2015