About Vanillanougat : Hello there, we should get to know eachother.
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Vanillanougat's favorite FMLs
by resurrected / 09/04/2013 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work
Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML
by interphaseprophasemetaphase / 09/04/2013 at 7:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by ocdistheworst / 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2013 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm / Finland / Kids
by CapNCook / 07/24/2013 at 5:15am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML
by gavinbanks / 07/21/2013 at 6:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
by StockedWithJuice / 07/06/2013 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by idk ask freud / 07/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML
by Gribby / 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by confusedbagel / 06/27/2013 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Work
by CatLover<3 / 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays
by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…