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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ValerieVictoria

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ValerieVictoria
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 15 June 1991 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 704
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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ValerieVictoria's favorite FMLs

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055 (315)

I agree, your life sucks (77484) - you deserved it (9247)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

#14169295 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (22007) - you deserved it (5923)

On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

#14164412 (243)

I agree, your life sucks (26776) - you deserved it (45858)

On 12/11/2010 at 9:44am - kids - by parentfail (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a random guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML

#14109722 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (20066) - you deserved it (6173)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

#14106944 (140)

I agree, your life sucks (9313) - you deserved it (15057)

On 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm - misc - by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML

#14058038 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (49480) - you deserved it (3491)

On 12/02/2010 at 8:20am - love - by mrdentist -

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

#6340257 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (8245) - you deserved it (23096)

On 11/17/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by Araya (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying "you accidentally left your headlights on... I took care of that for you". FML

#6296267 (64)

I agree, your life sucks (20479) - you deserved it (3869)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by ZINGER (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

#6293828 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (32739) - you deserved it (1596)

On 11/13/2009 at 10:07pm - love - by JJ (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

#6288438 (294)

I agree, your life sucks (27722) - you deserved it (2348)

On 11/13/2009 at 3:26pm - kids - by notateen (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

#4679110 (343)

I agree, your life sucks (34985) - you deserved it (98555)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

#4046377 (746)

I agree, your life sucks (81756) - you deserved it (24059)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (73322) - you deserved it (13616)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (268337) - you deserved it (32438)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425 (668)

I agree, your life sucks (402949) - you deserved it (26906)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)