About UsernameHere234 : A university student trying to transfer from my Zoology major into veterinary medicine (first application). I have no photo up because what I wanted to put up I realized not everyone likes the sights of. Got an interview for veterinary medicine on May 1st. Wish me luck.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
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Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38179) - you deserved it (11656)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22600) - you deserved it (4247)
On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21054) - you deserved it (10721)
On 01/25/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by awkwardturtle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23538) - you deserved it (4053)
On 11/16/2012 at 4:40am - misc - by mfischer (man) - United States
Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29152) - you deserved it (1720)
On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)
Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37523) - you deserved it (1576)
On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States
Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23410) - you deserved it (1469)
On 09/28/2012 at 4:24am - intimacy - by iNearlyHurled - United States
Today, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying, "Happy birthday! I hope you have great birthday sex!" I'm now afraid to go over there for dinner tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17526) - you deserved it (1823)
On 04/17/2012 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23942) - you deserved it (3316)
On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23519) - you deserved it (3792)
On 02/04/2012 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by me - United States (Texas)
Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7300) - you deserved it (19096)
On 02/04/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by WayTooMuchFacebook (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30239) - you deserved it (3337)
On 02/03/2012 at 1:29pm - animals - by deadhamster - United States
Friday 24 May 2013
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