Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

UsagiArwen

Offline (the 12/14/2014 at 11:31am) | Search for a member

UsagiArwen

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 21 September 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2029
  • Number of comments : 158
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About UsagiArwen : Love cats and music. Love gaming on the Playstation Network!

UsagiArwen's page activity

Visits<b>LadyLelan</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 4:03am<b>XPhoenixFire</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 11:35am<b>shorty6823</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 4:25pm<b>hunteryager</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 11:37pm<b>jujuthefroggy</b> - the 11/13/2013 at 5:07am<b>Ins0mau</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 10:26am<b>anonimeeeee</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 10:25am<b>olpally</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 10:17am<b>saidoh</b> - the 11/10/2013 at 1:57pm<b>YouKnowIMeantMe_</b> - the 10/04/2013 at 1:16am<b>jenny919</b> - the 08/26/2013 at 11:37pm<b>CplLawrence</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 4:34pm<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 06/08/2013 at 10:19am<b>crackmore278</b> - the 05/20/2013 at 10:56am<b>Marlon8a</b> - the 05/20/2013 at 10:40am<b>this_is_aly</b> - the 05/20/2013 at 10:39am<b>sk8_king</b> - the 03/21/2013 at 8:42am<b>mybraveface</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 6:54pm

Liked!<b>LadyLelan</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 10:03am

UsagiArwen's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of UsagiArwen's badges

UsagiArwen's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57222) - you deserved it (6782)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57222) - you deserved it (6782)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48897) - you deserved it (3135)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

#20675696
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35302) - you deserved it (4444)

On 05/20/2013 at 4:14pm - health - by pixkalexi - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish bi-product. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

#20502144
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31732) - you deserved it (3930)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46475) - you deserved it (7940)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

#20454752
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23750) - you deserved it (9420)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:36am - misc - by poohanne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34352) - you deserved it (3500)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

#20108644
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33318) - you deserved it (3461)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

#20099894
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35684) - you deserved it (4849)

On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took a pregnancy test. I was disappointed it was negative, as my fiancé and I have been together for four years and have a strong relationship. He danced with happiness when he discovered the test was negative and tried to high-five me. FML

#20094767
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12567) - you deserved it (23472)

On 09/30/2012 at 5:30am - love - by BeforeItWasCool - United Kingdom

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

#20090663
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19936) - you deserved it (6365) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/27/2012 at 12:10am - health - by Display - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

#20070030
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22736) - you deserved it (2103)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: