Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

UsagiArwen

Offline (39 minutes ago) | Search for a member

UsagiArwen

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 21 September 1985 (28 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1643
  • Number of comments : 148
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About UsagiArwen : Love cats and music. Love gaming on the Playstation Network!

UsagiArwen's page activity

Visits<b>XPhoenixFire</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 11:35am<b>shorty6823</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 4:25pm<b>hunteryager</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 11:37pm<b>jujuthefroggy</b> - the 11/13/2013 at 5:07am<b>Ins0mau</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 10:26am<b>anonimeeeee</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 10:25am<b>olpally</b> - the 11/12/2013 at 10:17am<b>saidoh</b> - the 11/10/2013 at 1:57pm<b>YouKnowIMeantMe_</b> - the 10/04/2013 at 1:16am<b>jenny919</b> - the 08/26/2013 at 11:37pm<b>CplLawrence</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 4:34pm<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 06/08/2013 at 10:19am<b>crackmore278</b> - the 05/20/2013 at 10:56am<b>Marlon8a</b> - the 05/20/2013 at 10:40am<b>this_is_aly</b> - the 05/20/2013 at 10:39am<b>sk8_king</b> - the 03/21/2013 at 8:42am<b>mybraveface</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 6:54pm<b>Elgaard</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 3:50am

UsagiArwen's FML badges

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of UsagiArwen's badges

UsagiArwen's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

#20950616
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38104) - you deserved it (6804)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:50pm - misc - by kel (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43001) - you deserved it (8720)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37906) - you deserved it (3329)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43250) - you deserved it (5249)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

#20816798
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50225) - you deserved it (10635)

On 08/02/2013 at 9:58am - misc - by YouSoSmelly (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

#20788265
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27899) - you deserved it (49780)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56315) - you deserved it (6673)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56315) - you deserved it (6673)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48796) - you deserved it (3131)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

#20675696
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35207) - you deserved it (4438)

On 05/20/2013 at 4:14pm - health - by pixkalexi - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish bi-product. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

#20502144
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31618) - you deserved it (3921)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46346) - you deserved it (7919)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

#20454752
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23276) - you deserved it (9342)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:36am - misc - by poohanne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34195) - you deserved it (3487)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: