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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27123) - you deserved it (35118)
On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45397) - you deserved it (3689)
On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)
Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44728) - you deserved it (7490)
On 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
I agree, your life sucks (44039) - you deserved it (6068)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)
Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38289) - you deserved it (2216)
On 05/03/2013 at 4:52pm - health - by SSeizeTheDay (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47684) - you deserved it (3287)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46716) - you deserved it (4065)
On 04/30/2013 at 3:54am - money - by ShowerGirl (woman) - United States
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25104) - you deserved it (55198)
On 04/28/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia
Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45517) - you deserved it (9788)
On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)
Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34773) - you deserved it (20811)
On 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm - work - by naps aren't what they used to be (man) - United States
Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22972) - you deserved it (7004) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/09/2013 at 6:29am - health - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43171) - you deserved it (11070)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, I was walking through my town when a man on a bicycle rolled up to me and said, "I don't mean this offensively but you're really well-built." I don't know whether he was commenting on my height or comparing me to a shed, but my mother won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19136) - you deserved it (1889)
On 03/05/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by apparently-a-shed (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33516) - you deserved it (7833)
On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26091) - you deserved it (2265)
On 02/17/2013 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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