This member hasn't filled in their description.
UnholyAlpaka12's FML badges
You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
UnholyAlpaka12's favorite FMLs
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by humbug / 05/13/2012 at 9:08am / United States (Colorado) / Money
Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML
by fired / 05/13/2012 at 2:26am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML
by Andy / 05/12/2012 at 10:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML
by aliqi / 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm / United States / Animals
Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2012 at 4:04pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love
by Eric Ngan / 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm / Singapore / Animals
by rj / 05/12/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by crazyman. / 05/12/2012 at 1:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
by Snickers / 05/12/2012 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML
by Hunter101 / 05/12/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
by Class / 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and go seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML
by jessye1182 / 05/11/2012 at 7:16pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
by 504-A1 / 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy