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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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USMC_Marine

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USMC_Marine
  • Town/Country : Oakland, California
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 6 January 1980 (32 years)
  • Number of visits : 338
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About USMC_Marine : I'm on a boat bitch.

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USMC_Marine's favorite FMLs

Today, my grandma went to get my twin sister and I a birthday gift. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute, cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

#4530948 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (37303) - you deserved it (2553)

On 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by twingirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML

#4523157 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (46833) - you deserved it (3403)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

#4505034 (262)

I agree, your life sucks (27400) - you deserved it (57195)

On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

#4501918 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (36853) - you deserved it (8744)

On 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm - misc - by fearofzombies (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118 (426)

I agree, your life sucks (43233) - you deserved it (14235)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up and noticed my son was not in his bedroom. Thinking he had ran away, I reported him missing and called all my relatives. After 3 hours, my son walked in the door. He was at his friends house where I dropped him off last night. My 14 year old told me to lay off the vodka. FML

#4452078 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (5854) - you deserved it (60411)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:40pm - kids - by Momma (woman) - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We start going at it and we were both butt naked when I see a car pull into the lot. Not only is it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asks my girlfriend is "Are you being held against your will?" FML

#4429167 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (32509) - you deserved it (8893)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by kmf - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

#4428551 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (6351) - you deserved it (49664)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by hitandrun (woman) - United States (Washington)