Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (yesterday at 10:06am) | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, I had mah first job interview!! The manager asks me to sell him his pen!! Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street an say, 'Write down yur name'!! He calmly reache into his drawer, takes out another pen an write his name down!! He then looks at me an laughs!! FML
Yesterday, band members an I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me 4 someone attractive. Everyone agreed an now they r trying to kick me out of the band I started. fat FML
Today, My Mother Kept Nagging At Me Cuz My 9-month-old Daughter Only Calms Down When I Play Her Metal. She Demands I Use Gospel, Otherwise She Will Turn Into A ( Devil-worshipping Lunatic Like Her Mother ). FML
Today, I got to take mah 10-year-old son to the junior high school athich I teach. When mah students questiond him about wat I was lyk at home, he told the entre class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person an I'm super pumped up to finally get off mah lazy butt an loose some wieght. Locking myself in mah room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
Today , mah boyfriend was watching TV,hen we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjobhen he pushed me off and said , "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML
Today... I had to go to the emergency room with mah sister... due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
Today..!! I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend fir the first time!! It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am..!! because when he saw my actual boobs..!! he said..!! ( Aaaaaaand thier gone )!! FML
Today, mah school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor,ho wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in mah sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML
Today, I went to my grandmom's house 4 an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets an about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg an couldn't get it off cuz it "hurts too much." I'm 24 an he's 26. FML
TODAY I WAS ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL 4 CHRONIC CONSTIPATION!! I HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH TWO OTHER GRLS WHO ARE ALSO HAVING BOWEL PROBLEMS!! WE'RE ALL ON STRONG LAXATIVES AND THERE'S APPARENTLY ONLY ONE BATHROOM IN THIS PLACE!! FML
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realizd there was no more toilet paper, so I askd my friend to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying . Suddenly.. . I had to poop worse than I ever had to in mah entire life . The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking mah tireshile I let out the entire contents of mah bowels onto the road . FML
Friday 27 March 2015