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Turtle_Man

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Turtle_Man

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 974
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Turtle_Man : Mehh.

Turtle_Man's page activity

Visits<b>Wafflestomper</b> - the 09/14/2012 at 6:37pm

Turtle_Man's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Turtle_Man's badges

Turtle_Man's favorite FMLs

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

#21268378
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22997) - you deserved it (6932)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25716) - you deserved it (3175)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25722) - you deserved it (2812)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26135) - you deserved it (2996)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31390) - you deserved it (18067)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

#21242605
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45048) - you deserved it (5117)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37526) - you deserved it (6740)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

#21220439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45726) - you deserved it (3721)

On 07/25/2014 at 4:19pm - misc - by asshalf15 (man) - United States (California)

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

#21220246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38433) - you deserved it (6613)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

#21212155
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48020) - you deserved it (6172)

On 07/17/2014 at 7:32pm - animals - by kittynapper - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46062) - you deserved it (8306)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

#21188385
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36880) - you deserved it (25119)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Respect101 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42513) - you deserved it (4395)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

#21181955
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52940) - you deserved it (5169)

On 06/20/2014 at 2:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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