Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Turtle_Man

Offline (15 hours ago) | Search for a member

Turtle_Man

1Liked!

Turtle_Man
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 October 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1426
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Turtle_Man : Everything happens for a reason; for the lolz

Turtle_Man's page activity

Visits<b>clairesucks</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 5:50am<b>quinn1184</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Rozeyyy</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 11:12am<b>Roxas_hearts</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 10:44pm<b>Bbexxy</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 11:08am<b>sam882</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 11:02am<b>ktrejo79</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 11:23pm<b>ziggaby</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 10:46pm<b>melons</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 7:34pm<b>WattledParsley</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 6:57pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 10:52pm<b>swegmuffin</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 8:55pm<b>royr7395</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 9:11pm<b>netflixislove</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 10:43am<b>MRSwick2525</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 10:41am<b>stonedfly3</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 10:52pm<b>Wafflestomper</b> - the 09/14/2012 at 6:37pm

Liked!<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 4:52am

Turtle_Man's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of Turtle_Man's badges

Turtle_Man's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to an ATM intending to withdraw $150. I approached the machine, inserted my card, typed in my pin and followed the prompts. When my card came out, I removed it, put it in my pocket and drove off. FML

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

#21354746
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26911) - you deserved it (2457)

On 02/12/2015 at 2:16pm - health - by Dartfrogger - United States (Utah)

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18643) - you deserved it (35373)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

#21353788
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15731) - you deserved it (33767)

On 02/10/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by randomdude3890 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

#21352091
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34208) - you deserved it (2603)

On 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by sorry :/ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30778) - you deserved it (3059)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

#21351381
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45949) - you deserved it (3753)

On 02/07/2015 at 6:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

#21349710
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33577) - you deserved it (2970)

On 02/04/2015 at 2:28pm - work - by fxck (woman) -

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

#21346352
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25555) - you deserved it (2099)

On 01/29/2015 at 6:32pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

#21340378
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29162) - you deserved it (2786)

On 01/19/2015 at 5:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

#21331973
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26448) - you deserved it (4274)

On 01/06/2015 at 11:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

#21323182
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32830) - you deserved it (3391)

On 12/24/2014 at 9:43am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

#21322225
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25420) - you deserved it (2146)

On 12/22/2014 at 6:15pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (South Dakota)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: