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Turtle_Man

Offline (the 01/20/2016 at 10:24pm) | Search for a member

Turtle_Man

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 October 1996 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2624
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Turtle_Man : Everything happens for a reason; for the lolz

Turtle_Man's page activity

Visits<b>WJM505</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 8:56am<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 5:30pm<b>w0nd3rl4nd</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 1:18pm<b>BakedTaters</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 10:32pm<b>sam882</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 2:52am<b>igotds</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 7:43pm<b>FutBol_Fan_30</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 1:05pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 5:50am<b>quinn1184</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Rozeyyy</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 11:12am<b>Roxas_hearts</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 10:44pm<b>ktrejo79</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 11:23pm<b>ziggaby</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 10:46pm<b>melons</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 7:34pm<b>WattledParsley</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 6:57pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 10:52pm<b>swegmuffin</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 8:55pm<b>royr7395</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 9:11pm

Fucked!<b>igotds</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 1:44am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 4:52am

Turtle_Man's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of Turtle_Man's badges

Turtle_Man's favorite FMLs

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

#21501348
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25492) - you deserved it (3601)

On 12/08/2015 at 1:17am - work - by unemployed-dude - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

#21468528
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16961) - you deserved it (17989)

On 09/14/2015 at 7:58pm - misc - by C BOMB (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up terrified, scaring my roommate. What was the dream? That I'd had a panic attack because my box of Honey Nut Cheerios was torn and the bag inside was improperly folded. FML

Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML

#21459211
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30860) - you deserved it (1981)

On 08/22/2015 at 6:47am - health - by period pains - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

#21455147
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28675) - you deserved it (2683)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25196) - you deserved it (6124)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

#21450259
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29365) - you deserved it (3001)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19443) - you deserved it (31094)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at a baseball game, I smiled and waved at the little girl in front of me. She cried. FML

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27431) - you deserved it (1581)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26227) - you deserved it (2735)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

#21443815
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33593) - you deserved it (4643)

On 07/19/2015 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

#21443362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24471) - you deserved it (9250)

On 07/18/2015 at 2:01am - misc - by supersmashpika (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was standing on a step ladder to reach the batteries on top of my fridge so I could change the ones in my TV remote. My sister thought it would be funny to shake the ladder and see what would happen. I now have a broken leg and a TV remote with dead batteries in it. FML

#21442946
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26233) - you deserved it (1919)

On 07/17/2015 at 8:40am - misc - by damnnn - Australia

Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML



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