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Turtle_Man

Offline (the 08/24/2015 at 5:31pm) | Search for a member

Turtle_Man

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 October 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2169
  • Number of comments : 47
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Turtle_Man : Everything happens for a reason; for the lolz

Turtle_Man's page activity

Visits<b>w0nd3rl4nd</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 1:18pm<b>BakedTaters</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 10:32pm<b>sam882</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 2:52am<b>igotds</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 7:43pm<b>FutBol_Fan_30</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 1:05pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 5:50am<b>quinn1184</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Rozeyyy</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 11:12am<b>Roxas_hearts</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 10:44pm<b>ktrejo79</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 11:23pm<b>ziggaby</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 10:46pm<b>melons</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 7:34pm<b>WattledParsley</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 6:57pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 10:52pm<b>swegmuffin</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 8:55pm<b>royr7395</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 9:11pm<b>netflixislove</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 10:43am<b>MRSwick2525</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 10:41am

Fucked!<b>igotds</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 1:44am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 4:52am

Turtle_Man's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of Turtle_Man's badges

Turtle_Man's favorite FMLs

Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML

#21459211
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27786) - you deserved it (1781)

On 08/22/2015 at 6:47am - health - by period pains - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

#21455147
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27542) - you deserved it (2401)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23977) - you deserved it (5626)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

#21450259
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27876) - you deserved it (2625)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17393) - you deserved it (28269)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at a baseball game, I smiled and waved at the little girl in front of me. She cried. FML

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26615) - you deserved it (1527)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24766) - you deserved it (2462)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

#21443815
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30924) - you deserved it (4283)

On 07/19/2015 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

#21443362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23693) - you deserved it (9006)

On 07/18/2015 at 2:01am - misc - by supersmashpika (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was standing on a step ladder to reach the batteries on top of my fridge so I could change the ones in my TV remote. My sister thought it would be funny to shake the ladder and see what would happen. I now have a broken leg and a TV remote with dead batteries in it. FML

#21442946
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25141) - you deserved it (1753)

On 07/17/2015 at 8:40am - misc - by damnnn - Australia

Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML

Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML

#21399271
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27061) - you deserved it (24055)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:23pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

#21399141
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31453) - you deserved it (3905)

On 04/24/2015 at 6:04pm - kids - by anonymousyo - United States (California)

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

#21398217
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25414) - you deserved it (5319)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:53pm - misc - by englishornah (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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