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Turtle_Man

Offline (the 11/23/2014 at 6:56pm) | Search for a member

Turtle_Man

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Turtle_Man
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 October 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1059
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Turtle_Man : Mehh.
If you actually want to know, send a message.

Turtle_Man's page activity

Visits<b>stonedfly3</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 10:52pm<b>Wafflestomper</b> - the 09/14/2012 at 6:37pm

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Turtle_Man's favorite FMLs

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

#21303227
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28998) - you deserved it (3184)

On 11/21/2014 at 8:51am - misc - by UTRejected (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

#21286665
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28663) - you deserved it (5027)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48821) - you deserved it (3463)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34947) - you deserved it (4117)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with my first boyfriend. We broke up 6 years ago. FML

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

#21278160
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34651) - you deserved it (4595)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by datgurllllukno (woman) - United States

Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

#21277056
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44578) - you deserved it (2963)

On 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm - health - by clumsylobster - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

#21276883
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36669) - you deserved it (4074)

On 10/13/2014 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37660) - you deserved it (7248)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31401) - you deserved it (14436)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

#21268378
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38708) - you deserved it (12735)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32080) - you deserved it (4007)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32330) - you deserved it (3430)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)



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