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Turtle_Man

Offline (the 10/16/2014 at 9:36am) | Search for a member

Turtle_Man

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 999
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Turtle_Man : Mehh.

Turtle_Man's page activity

Visits<b>stonedfly3</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 10:52pm<b>Wafflestomper</b> - the 09/14/2012 at 6:37pm

Turtle_Man's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Turtle_Man's badges

Turtle_Man's favorite FMLs

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

#21278160
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31155) - you deserved it (4262)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by datgurllllukno (woman) - United States

Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

#21277056
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41173) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm - health - by clumsylobster - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

#21276883
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34541) - you deserved it (3981)

On 10/13/2014 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34108) - you deserved it (6825)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30310) - you deserved it (13912)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

#21268378
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38476) - you deserved it (12651)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31969) - you deserved it (4003)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32162) - you deserved it (3420)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31971) - you deserved it (3544)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31596) - you deserved it (18181)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

#21242605
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45717) - you deserved it (5141)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37563) - you deserved it (6741)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

#21220439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45751) - you deserved it (3722)

On 07/25/2014 at 4:19pm - misc - by asshalf15 (man) - United States (California)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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