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Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8758) - you totally deserved it (29690)
On 09/22/2009 at 12:37am - health - by Cpt_Concerned (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I called my favorite radio station over and over, trying to be the 40th caller to win sold-out concert tickets, each time holding my thumb over the button to quickly hang up and re-dial if busy. I finally got through and they congratulated me being the winning caller! By habit, I hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23013) - you totally deserved it (51230)
On 04/13/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by LonelyFrog (man) - United States (California)
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching TV, randomly she starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited she says to me "Just Joking". FML
I agree, your life sucks (90283) - you totally deserved it (11068)
On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I like. I looked into his eyes and said, "Your eyes are so blue, like the ocean." He replied by saying, "Your eyes are so brown... like my shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (65452) - you totally deserved it (11093)
On 04/12/2009 at 1:06am - love - by s3rp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8546) - you totally deserved it (69362)
On 04/11/2009 at 3:38am - intimacy - by Smooth (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16735) - you totally deserved it (43144)
On 04/08/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by nothing (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12650) - you totally deserved it (48332)
On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I feared my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion i forgot to take off the computer desk after i masturbated last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she had changed the backgroud to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5758) - you totally deserved it (40122)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I finally convinced my husband of 8 years to partake in a threesome with a guy that works with me and for which I have developed feelings. Everything was going well until in the heat of the moment my husband started performing oral sex on my colleague. I can't face either of them now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27026) - you totally deserved it (205350)
On 04/02/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by Guilt (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)
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