Turn1211

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Turn1211

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1271
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Turn1211's FML badges

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Turn1211's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

by Cpt_Concerned / 09/22/2009 at 12:37am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I called my favorite radio station over and over, trying to be the 40th caller to win sold-out concert tickets, each time holding my thumb over the button to quickly hang up and re-dial if busy. I finally got through and they congratulated me being the winning caller! By habit, I hung up. FML

by LonelyFrog / 04/13/2009 at 11:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

by Hikara / 04/13/2009 at 9:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

by Smooth / 04/11/2009 at 3:38am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML

by nothing / 04/08/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

by thatwasmiz / 04/08/2009 at 2:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2009 at 12:34am / United States / Miscellaneous