About TurboKill1 : I come here so I can feel better about myself.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57522) - you deserved it (4412)
On 05/28/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (124855) - you deserved it (18340)
On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (203510) - you deserved it (59406)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (193792) - you deserved it (21257)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (108147) - you deserved it (32939)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by asleepinclass (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)
Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59126) - you deserved it (18203)
On 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by lovewedge (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25936) - you deserved it (66159)
On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50668) - you deserved it (1595)
On 03/01/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by Friendly (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47197) - you deserved it (11856)
On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML
I agree, your life sucks (73900) - you deserved it (4400)
On 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (4183)
On 02/19/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by Invisible (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51879) - you deserved it (2471)
On 02/11/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Distressed (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26642) - you deserved it (1577)
On 01/16/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Ohai - United States (Oklahoma)
Monday 17 June 2013
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