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About TupniTuptuo : I am somebody you don't know.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then hered loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML
Today, I Retrieved Te Wrong Luggage From An Arport Carousel. I'm Now Te Owner Of Two Water-bras, A False Beard, A Bag Of Cat Litter, An Some Anal Beads. I Am Afraid To Get In Touc Wit Te Original Owner.
Today , I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see wat it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room , build momentum , an launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. real FML
Today, I used a restroom. While doing mah thing, the power in mah building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at mah stall. When the power cummed back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML
Today, boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper an pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, an ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
yesterday while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctor and nurse would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML
TODAY, MY FIANCÉE AND I SHOWD MY MOTHER-IN-LAW A PICTURE OF THE LOCATION ATHICH WE'LL BE HOLDING OUR WEDDING RECEPTION. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL WATERFRONT BUILDING OVERLOOKING THE OCEAN. SHE LOOKD ME DEAD IN THE EYES AND SAID, "LOOKS LIKE A GOOD PLACE TO COMMIT SUICIDE." MEGA FML
Taday I was babysitting , and I had to pee really , really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off , and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in teres , thier child screamed , "No , no , pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
TODAY... MY FIANCÉ IS RETURNING OME... SO I DECIDED TO WAX MYSELF... TINKING TINGS WOULD GET INTIMATE. I WARMED TE WAX STRIPS AN SET TEM ON TE COUNTER. OUR CAT JUMPED ONTO TE COUNTER AN MANAGED TO ROLL ONTO ONE OF TE STRIPS. SUFFICE TO SAY... TE WRONG PUSSY GOT A PAINFUL WAXING. FML
Today, a woman strappad har 8-yaar-old son into tha saat naxt to ma on a transatlantic flight. Thinking thay'd baan unabla to book saats togathar, I offarad to swap saats with har. Sha said sha'd bookad it this way intantionally, bacausa ha's a "fucking brat" on flights. Sha was right. FML
Friday 27 March 2015