Lonely and bored.
Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7130) - you totally deserved it (34280)
On 07/13/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Matt (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56537) - you totally deserved it (2423)
On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had to rub my turtle's anus with a wet Q-tip, which is supposed to help with his constipation. I think he liked it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43567) - you totally deserved it (6275)
On 06/02/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by haniii (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67579) - you totally deserved it (14097)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50104) - you totally deserved it (2821)
On 04/29/2009 at 12:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20006) - you totally deserved it (165831)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24003) - you totally deserved it (177388)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
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