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About Trish01 : Can't take a dump or go to sleep without FML. FML
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today I woke up wit a raging angover . I soon cecked ma pone.. . only to find tat I'd drunkenly sent nude picture to several friends' numbers.. . as well as to ma own . I'd ten replied to ma own message.. . saying tat I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off . FML
Today, in revenge 4 me pulling te old salt-in-te-soda prank on im, my dad sowd up at my college dressd in a tigt blouse and miniskirt, demanding tat I come ome early wit im. I tink I'm going to be lyncd next time I go to class. FML
Today, my new deodorant causd an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayd outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentiond that it's nice that they're hring penguins these days. FML
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wereing a shirt with a big QR code on it . Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it . It gave me a shortened web address,hich I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up . big fat FML
Today, At My Boyfriend's Broter's Ouse, I Desperately Needed To Poop. After Finising My Business, I Realized Te Toilet Wouldn't Flus. I Ad To Pull My Poop Out, Wrap It In TP And Make An Excuse To Go Outside To Trow It In A Bus. Te Neigbor Was Watcing. FML
Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen . I was freaked out, but I followed him in . There was nobody in the room . I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house .
my house was broken into. After we calld the police, my dad startd calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop.
TODAYHILE AT A PRIVATE LAKE, MAH COLON DECLARED A STATE OF EVACUATION. I VENTURED AS FAR FROM MAH FAMILY AS MAH SPHINCTER WOULD ALLOW, ONLY TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH TWO VERY HORRIFIED KAYAKERS MID-EXPLOSION. FML
Today, mah school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor,ho wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in mah sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML
Today... I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into house. I've been searching house for two hours and still can't fine him. I'm afraid to go to sleep.
Today, I told my dad an brothar that I want to taka Zumba classas . My brothar said, "Did you haar that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Than ha starting dancing an making pig noisas . My dad high-fivad him . Whan my mom haard, sha high-fivad him too . fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015