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Trinie_princez

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Trinie_princez

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Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML

#3855334
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69534) - you deserved it (7748)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by Meh (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

#2874076
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37362) - you deserved it (58453)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

#2801625
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66630) - you deserved it (14815)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

#1815413
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75604) - you deserved it (8427)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62521) - you deserved it (7223)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#1564480
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18840) - you deserved it (43100)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by screamo (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

#1474084
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45094) - you deserved it (17396)

On 04/29/2009 at 9:34pm - kids - by GirlinGreen - United States (Washington)

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

#1448827
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16995) - you deserved it (58792)

On 04/29/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Cammy (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24273) - you deserved it (75664)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24273) - you deserved it (75664)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

#112379
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85924) - you deserved it (21425)

On 02/23/2009 at 8:14am - intimacy - by Anonn (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

#70419
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24490) - you deserved it (57477)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)



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