About TobyTheGod : Hi guys, I'm a god yeah and you might have worshipped me once or twice. I play guitar and other musical shit, I like fml in my spare time, of which there is plenty. Reading is cool and so is maths so suck on that. I spend most of my life sleeping, eating and playing guitar and then I'll die. Im game for a laugh, so message me!
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29918) - you deserved it (43701)
On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)
Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27108) - you deserved it (3851)
On 03/06/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24750) - you deserved it (15686) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37678) - you deserved it (2188)
On 01/16/2011 at 12:07am - misc - by paperbox (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34834) - you deserved it (6332)
On 11/08/2010 at 4:11pm - misc - by beforegirl (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29117) - you deserved it (12819)
On 11/04/2010 at 5:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12026) - you deserved it (24083)
On 10/18/2010 at 2:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42449) - you deserved it (2623)
On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28504) - you deserved it (33920)
On 09/17/2010 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4398) - you deserved it (34496)
On 02/20/2010 at 2:04pm - misc - by analinguist (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, the 6 year old girl I was babysitting asked me, "Why are you so ugly? Are you an alien? Because aliens are about as ugly as you are." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28603) - you deserved it (3149)
On 01/01/2010 at 10:41am - kids - by silverstar189 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6815) - you deserved it (11056)
On 12/21/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11835) - you deserved it (20750)
On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote "I also have an eye.", instead of "I also have an eye for details.", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6178) - you deserved it (19110)
On 11/14/2009 at 11:52am - work - by crazylobster (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8156) - you deserved it (35903)
On 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm - health - by yellowjacket_34 (man) - United States (Montana)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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