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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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TheSam44

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TheSam44
  • Town/Country : Philadelphia, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 349
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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TheSam44's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML

#17525503 (305)

I agree, your life sucks (7608) - you deserved it (47707)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:58am - intimacy - by KiDCuSHi - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out how hard a lemon is to the nuts when being hurled by an angry girlfriend for losing at Wii Sports. FML

#14654944 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (18286) - you deserved it (3373)

On 01/20/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by neverhavingkids (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2am. This old man pulls in and asks me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replies, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML

#13326946 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (20871) - you deserved it (4167)

On 10/05/2010 at 5:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

#13321339 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (6698) - you deserved it (37214)

On 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML

#13285229 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (21085) - you deserved it (3933)

On 10/02/2010 at 2:28am - love - by ohman - Singapore

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to the DMV to take my drivers test. FML

#7059140 (59)

I agree, your life sucks (14438) - you deserved it (6272)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (4490) - you deserved it (47667)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (66547) - you deserved it (9416)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my wedding day and I had been preparing my speech for my husband for about 3 months. At the wedding, I poured my heart out to him. Did he do the same? My husband forgot about it and right before the wedding, took his from his first marriage and changed the name. FML

#5539052 (89)

I agree, your life sucks (30764) - you deserved it (2568)

On 09/28/2009 at 10:53pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

#5094881 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (14919) - you deserved it (38353)

On 09/07/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by EyesOffMe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

#4927406 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (43965) - you deserved it (9667)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by mel (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on the AT&T cell phone stand. FML

#4203484 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (5837) - you deserved it (38248)

On 08/01/2009 at 8:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML

#4000327 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (36003) - you deserved it (4736)

On 07/24/2009 at 5:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Haryana)

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

#4000083 (152)

I agree, your life sucks (47984) - you deserved it (2887)

On 07/24/2009 at 5:04am - love - by Sally (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went on a movie date. During the movie, I picked a small zit on my forehead. Afterwards, at dinner, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of my face. I thought he was staring lovingly at me. He was actually staring at a large throbbing zit with a trail of blood coming from it. FML

#3692472 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (12433) - you deserved it (43742)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:18pm - love - by Zitty (woman) - United States (Colorado)