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ThePhantomGamer's favorite FMLs
by hellnooo / 08/15/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML
by pear8head / 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML
by Shopgirl / 08/06/2009 at 9:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 08/06/2009 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I broke my mother's Tiffany lamp from the 1920's. Practically crying, I raced onto the computer to try to find one to order before she comes back in three weeks. The lamp is worth over twelve thousand dollars, and the only way I'm getting one is if I lived 90 years ago. FML
by someexplanationrequired / 08/03/2009 at 1:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML
by myparentsarehoes / 08/03/2009 at 12:33pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy
Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my co-worker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she goes to the manager and accuses me of sexual harassment. Everyone applauded. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2009 at 10:50am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML
by amburrr / 08/02/2009 at 8:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a great night of sexual pleasure, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML
by kmb04 / 08/02/2009 at 11:12am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love
by Anon / 07/27/2009 at 3:32am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesnt know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML
by mook / 07/15/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML
by divineinstrument / 07/12/2009 at 10:46am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
by Barista / 07/05/2009 at 1:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
by Jeweler / 06/26/2009 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous