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About TheIrishJaneDoe : Aka TIJD, Jane, Irish, and/or Doe. FML's resident hose-keeper and one-third of the Neopolitan Nerd Cabal. I suck at favorites lists, so I'm not making one. If you know my real name, you'd be on it.
If I've been scarce, I'm working on a project which may or may not become a public blog. If you're interested in reading more should it become public, PM me or check back here for updates.
Lots of people have asked about my published FML. I've had two published, actually, both anonymous. The first can be found by searching CreepyPaperDoll, I think. If you find it and simply must opine about my appearance, since it's relevant to the FML, please proofread your opinion. It'll be much less embarrassing for you in the long run. The second will remain anonymous for now. Those whom I trust to read it have ways of finding it anyway. If you don't, sucks to be you.
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Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML
Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML
Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML
Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentines Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML
Friday 19 December 2014