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Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16626) - you totally deserved it (25075)
On 08/06/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML
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On 08/04/2009 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my enraged girlfriend told me she was fired from her nurse job for no reason. I called her employer to find out why. He told me that she was caught "helping out" a male patient, and that supposedly she has done the same with just about every good looking guy that comes into the hospital. FML
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On 08/03/2009 at 3:25pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML
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On 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm - love - by WiltedFlower (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML
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On 07/31/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by Betrayed (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was at the doctors getting a pap smear and she asked if it was alright if a doctor in training could come in to observe. I was already laying on the table with my feet in the stirups so everything was in plain sight. When the man came in to observe I looked up to see my brother in law. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32711) - you totally deserved it (1135) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 1:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 12:07am - work - by OhNo. (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML
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On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML
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On 07/22/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd still like me if I shaved my head. He told me it wouldn't matter to him, and I called him a liar. Then he said, "Well my mom died of cancer six months ago, so I'm sort of used to it." FML
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On 07/18/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Lars (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39873) - you totally deserved it (3736)
On 07/13/2009 at 10:04pm - work - by Nick (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML
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On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by armybrat - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML
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On 06/04/2009 at 7:35am - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
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On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)
