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TheIllitQemist

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TheIllitQemist
  • Town/Country : Memphis, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 21 January 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 171
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheIllitQemist : Wooooooooooow :OOOOOOO

TheIllitQemist's last visitors

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TheIllitQemist's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of TheIllitQemist's badges

TheIllitQemist's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML

#20478067
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21522) - you deserved it (1789)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

#20477486
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24300) - you deserved it (1900)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by teacher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

#20473479
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31439) - you deserved it (1963)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm - kids - by Female (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML

#20473074
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24897) - you deserved it (2539)

On 01/22/2013 at 1:49pm - work - by me - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

#20472782
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24865) - you deserved it (3615)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:39am - kids - by dani0810 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, someone broke into my car by smashing the driver's side window. I'd be less irritated if they had just used the door handle; the lock has been broken for years. FML

#20467580
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22742) - you deserved it (2170)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:14am - money - by Perplexed - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23294) - you deserved it (6685)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24382) - you deserved it (1626)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

#20450046
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26912) - you deserved it (4571)

On 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm - kids - by loveyouson (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

#20437963
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23876) - you deserved it (7071)

On 01/02/2013 at 2:28am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

#20418295
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37432) - you deserved it (6430)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me, and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

#20195284
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15784) - you deserved it (1774)

On 12/07/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

#20193830
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3754) - you deserved it (63130)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm - misc - by mom (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I was bitched out by my supervisor because of my lack of "customer service" skills. I work at a jail and all my "customers" are criminals. FML

#20152272
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16498) - you deserved it (2946)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:48am - work - by jailofc (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

#20145795
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23737) - you deserved it (2245)

On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



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Monday 20 May 2013

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