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About TheGreatPotato : If you're looking for me, I'm currently hiding in a corner from the embarrassment of FML turning a single post into a double post into a triple post.
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Today, mah boss asked about the mass of deep scratche on mah arm !! I lied and told him it happenedhile I was trying to save mah cat from a tree !! Truth is, mah cat is a sadistic assholeho stalk me and mauls mehenever he can !! real FML
Today... I was leading a tour of mah university and saw a girl in rippd jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck mah dick... bitch." FML
TODAY AS A RESTAURANT MANAGER I HAD A LARGE PARTY OF DIFFICULT GUESTS. THEY SAT IN THEIR PRIVATE ROOM THEY'D RESERVED 4 THREE-AND-A-HALF HOURS THEN CAUSED A HUGE SCENEHEN IT WAS TIME TO PAY. ONE GUY EVEN RAN AT ME LIKE HE WAS GOING TO HIT ME. FML
TODAY, A GUY IN MAH CLASS WAS TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF. HE STARTED HIS STORY WITH, "WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I WAS A GINGER." I REPLIED WITHOUT THINKING, "IS THAT WHY U GOT PUT UP 4 ADOPTION?" HIM BEING ADOPTED WAS THE ACTUAL STORY HE WANTED TO TELL. REAL FML
Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slippd on the wet floor an my basket an my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walkd over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me an laughd. FML
Today... I Held The Door Open 4 A Woman And Her Kids On Mah Way Out Of The Bank. She Startd Accusing Me Of Patronizing Her... Andhen I Just Let Go Of The Door In Protest... She Deliberately Leand In So It Hit Her In The Face. I Felt The Glares From The Entire Bank As She Pretendd To Cry. FML
Today, I tried fixing mah dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out 4 trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking an acting pissy ever since . FML
Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted 4 our house withdrew it because apparently when they cummed by 4 the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML
Today , mah cousin asked me wat it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized , then asked me wat it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he , a 10 year old kid , had reduced me , a 26 year old woman , to tears. FML
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus . I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone ranghile he was showering an he slipped onto a box of vegetables . Guessho had to extract the carrot . FML
Today, I almost got writtan up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was axplain to im tat I couldn't alp a tourist out bacausa I spaak Japanasa, not Koraan, and tat it's not in fact "ta sama Asian sit" as a saamad to tink. FML
Yesterday, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her . We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, ( Milk me lyk a cow . ) I can no longer looool drink milk without hearing that in my head . FML
Friday 27 March 2015