Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TheFifthWitness

Search for a member

TheFifthWitness

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7897
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

TheFifthWitness's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:55pm<b></b> - the 01/10/2011 at 11:59pm<b>betseyville</b> - the 12/18/2009 at 12:42am<b>skinywiteboy805</b> - the 09/09/2009 at 9:27pm<b>AmericansAreDumb</b> - the 07/26/2009 at 6:29am<b>ipwns</b> - the 05/06/2009 at 5:11pm<b>username666</b> - the 04/28/2009 at 5:38pm<b>nextstopplz</b> - the 04/07/2009 at 6:31pm

TheFifthWitness's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

TheFifthWitness's favorite FMLs

Today, I got very dressd up and looool was excitd fir mah uncle's wedding. While standing in line fir photos, I hered mah dad's voice from behind me say ( Who's the hot chick in the brown dress? ) My uncle responds ( Uh, that's yur daughter. ) Silence. FML

#3967657
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72300) - you deserved it (4469)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking drty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I hered a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

#3925036
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64026) - you deserved it (11841)

On 07/21/2009 at 6:42am - intimacy - by picturemenakedbaby (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my son is really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have grls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36353) - you deserved it (95635)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, mah boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

#3797980
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46471) - you deserved it (5713)

On 07/16/2009 at 9:44am - love - by hrtbrkn (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me wat I thought of Rhode Island bieng voted 4 the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

#3790297
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36568) - you deserved it (11647)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by newsgirl (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entre time. FML

#3456534
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68568) - you deserved it (4991)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

today I exchangd number with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he askd why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I askd him the same question, he respondd with ( I just thought you had a nice rack ). FML

#3453387
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13412) - you deserved it (43332)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by dreamer2639 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

today I exchangd number with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he askd why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I askd him the same question, he respondd with ( I just thought you had a nice rack ). FML

#3453387
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13412) - you deserved it (43332)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by dreamer2639 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of ma and says "Oh vary nica . How much?" I raply "You couldn't afford ma." An old guy sitting naxt to ma says "I bat I could" and puts his hand on lag . I forfaitad tha bus and walkad homa in tha rain . FML

#2174572
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54440) - you deserved it (24120)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:52am - intimacy - by rice_cake (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Yesterday I Went To Get Te Apple Store, My Mac Ad Been Making A Grinding Noise From Te Fan. Te Guy Put Is Ear To Te Keyboard And Said Tere Was A CD In Te Drive So I Couldn't Ear Te Grinding From Te Fan. He Ejected Te CD. It Was Porn. FML

#1493509
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14100) - you deserved it (92627)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

looool Today , my coworker sent an email to thehole company asking us to fill in a survey !! I've been secretly seieng her for two months , so I respondd with "sure thing baby , an by the way I ran out of condoms , can u bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all !! FML

#1489394
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14752) - you deserved it (83529)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

TODAY, I WAS EMAILING MAH PROFESSOR ABOUT WAT CHAPTERS OUR TEST IS ON THIS AFTERNOON. SHE ACCIDENTALLY EMAILD ME INFORMING ME OF THE DATE SHE WENT ON LAST NIGHT, INCLUDING THAT SHE ( GOT LAID... YAY!! ) AN A PICTURE. I STILL DON'T KNOW WAT CHAPTERS I'M BEING TESTD ON. FML

#1152672
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105505) - you deserved it (6455)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm - intimacy - by TMI (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, boyfriend was really stressed about a guy e works wit being a jerk. I told im ( if you ignore someting long enoug, it won't boter you anymore. ) His response was ( I've ignored erpes for a long time but it still boters me. ) We've been aving sex for 3 monts now. FML

#511174
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131567) - you deserved it (20419)

On 03/21/2009 at 3:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today,hile on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me . I have a speech impediment . FML

#98933
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54403) - you deserved it (3794)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm - health - by Vince (man) - United States (Indiana)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: