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TheFifthWitness

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TheFifthWitness

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7777
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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TheFifthWitness's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:55pm<b>betseyville</b> - the 12/18/2009 at 12:42am<b>skinywiteboy805</b> - the 09/09/2009 at 9:27pm<b>AmericansAreDumb</b> - the 07/26/2009 at 6:29am<b>ipwns</b> - the 05/06/2009 at 5:11pm<b>username666</b> - the 04/28/2009 at 5:38pm<b>nextstopplz</b> - the 04/07/2009 at 6:31pm

TheFifthWitness's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

TheFifthWitness's favorite FMLs

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

#3967657
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69478) - you deserved it (4241)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

#3925036
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62230) - you deserved it (11478)

On 07/21/2009 at 6:42am - intimacy - by picturemenakedbaby (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35438) - you deserved it (94198)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

#3797980
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45472) - you deserved it (5598)

On 07/16/2009 at 9:44am - love - by hrtbrkn (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

#3790297
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36455) - you deserved it (11612)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by newsgirl (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68190) - you deserved it (4972)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML

#3453387
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12320) - you deserved it (43232)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by dreamer2639 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML

#3453387
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12320) - you deserved it (43232)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by dreamer2639 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of me and says "Oh very nice. How much?" I reply "You couldn't afford me." An old guy sitting next to me says "I bet I could" and puts his hand on my leg. I forfeited the bus and walked home in the rain. FML

#2174572
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53408) - you deserved it (23721)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:52am - intimacy - by rice_cake (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

#1493509
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14018) - you deserved it (92320)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

#1489394
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14697) - you deserved it (83182)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

#1152672
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102994) - you deserved it (6231)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm - intimacy - by TMI (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML

#511174
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126245) - you deserved it (20365)

On 03/21/2009 at 3:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

#98933
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54169) - you deserved it (3777)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm - health - by Vince (man) - United States (Indiana)



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