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TheChosenOne101

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TheChosenOne101
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  • Number of visits : 758
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TheChosenOne101's favorite FMLs

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

#4826792
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7933) - you deserved it (33541)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

#4572721
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55095) - you deserved it (9619)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

#4285773
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13782) - you deserved it (32444)

On 08/04/2009 at 4:22pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML

#3945236
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55678) - you deserved it (5864)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by vomitingnow (man) - United States

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithful to. A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

#3496673
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71014) - you deserved it (3689)

On 07/05/2009 at 1:59am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

#3192725
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74315) - you deserved it (10288)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

#2328337
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5652) - you deserved it (61307)

On 05/26/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by Ash (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

#2112400
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14322) - you deserved it (67369)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:54pm - misc - by Sweeney (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

#1954003
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8249) - you deserved it (33660)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by NotSoCool (man) - Singapore

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72235) - you deserved it (21999)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

#1704585
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57044) - you deserved it (2326)

On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (247814) - you deserved it (14287)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (161909) - you deserved it (39910)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

#1104891
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (448628) - you deserved it (25556)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she knew all of us by smell. We all took turns standing in front of her, and she would tell us who we were. When I got in front of her, she thought I was my dog. FML

#1086654
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44980) - you deserved it (8937)

On 04/18/2009 at 2:09pm - animals - by Spec (man) - United States (Alabama)



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