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Tessy7's favorite FMLs
by Bug / 10/15/2012 at 5:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 3:54am / South Africa / Miscellaneous
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
by scaredofcutouts / 10/10/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by jack / 10/08/2012 at 2:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by justabitembarrassed / 10/07/2012 at 10:20am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML
by PerpetuallyHappy / 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2012 at 1:07am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by jlee0000785 / 09/17/2012 at 10:15am / Australia / Love
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 4:47pm / New Zealand (Otago) / Health
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
by Sprtsgeek13 / 09/13/2012 at 8:37am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/11/2012 at 12:47am / United States (California) / Kids
- Today, my loneliness hit an all time low when I actually considered "accidentally" texting a random… Today, I woke up to my head being covered by a pissy diaper, a pile of pee not even an inch from my… Today, my sister told me to mind my own business when I freaked out about the used tampon she keeps…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me…