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by CutestBoysEver / 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by Indianagirl94 / 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm / United States / Love
Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML
by radioinvader / 10/28/2012 at 8:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/28/2012 at 6:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Monkey / 10/27/2012 at 11:02am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/27/2012 at 3:20am / United States / Kids
Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 12:17pm / Philippines (Manila) / Kids
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 1:45am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend went to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. All I could make out from the door was mumbling, until profanities started flying. My boyfriend shouted "well she's a SINGLE bitch now!" and stormed out of the house. My dad still refuses to tell me what happened in there. FML
by wtactualfuck :( / 10/24/2012 at 5:08pm / United States / Love
Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML
by Alice / 10/24/2012 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom / Love
by MIND BLOWING / 10/20/2012 at 9:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 8:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Love