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by What a happy day / 01/14/2013 at 12:36pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML
by GiraffeLover / 01/11/2013 at 6:36am / Australia / Love
by Anonymous / 01/09/2013 at 2:02am / Israel / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed one of my neighbors has decided to place an old toilet in the middle of their front lawn. Another one has had a kitchen sink in their driveway for a year, and yet another has a sofa in their grass. These are the people who taunt me for just walking my cat outside on a leash. FML
by SApprentice / 12/19/2012 at 12:02am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by mysidesaresplitting / 12/14/2012 at 1:44am / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2012 at 4:28pm / United States / Love
by chinousmc / 12/06/2012 at 6:30am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by whaleninjapoop / 12/06/2012 at 3:24am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by SpanishInFrenchClass / 12/06/2012 at 12:35am / United States / Work
Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
by Emily / 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML
by fieldmarshalclitter / 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm / United States / Health
by me. / 12/01/2012 at 9:54am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came,… Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found… Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean,…