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Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML
I agree, your life sucks (56887) - you totally deserved it (2803)
On 06/28/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by steven (man) - Cayman Islands
Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML
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On 06/27/2009 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Victim (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5945) - you totally deserved it (43830)
On 06/27/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by mtorres8789 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49055) - you totally deserved it (1358)
On 06/27/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by OfCourse (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34716) - you totally deserved it (11901)
On 06/27/2009 at 12:05am - kids - by poormom (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43195) - you totally deserved it (1865)
On 06/25/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by Emptyspace (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7534) - you totally deserved it (45845)
On 06/22/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45962) - you totally deserved it (2006)
On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I looked down to see a tiny spider crawling on the inside of my leg, very close to my crotch. When I tried to brush it off, it only flew a couple inches because it was making a web between my legs. Even a spider knew that it's been awhile. FML
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On 05/07/2009 at 1:07am - intimacy - by qwertymay (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14868) - you totally deserved it (39279)
On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML
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On 04/23/2009 at 11:53pm - misc - by NoFightResponse (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was taking a shower after a run. We were under a tornado watch, and I halfway through the lights dimmed and I heard the tell-tale "train" sound. Panicked, I bolted wet and naked for the basement, crashing into my mom as I flew out the door. The sound was just her new vacuuming. FML
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On 04/21/2009 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I walked into the confession booth for the 1st time and start to tell my sins. I mentioned how I had sex with multiple men over the last month. I began to continue telling my sins, until I heard laughter. It turned out my brother was playing hid and seek. FML
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On 04/10/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by vic - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML
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On 04/09/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by phatkroger10 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
