About TazInYourPantz : The peacock once said to the pimp, "we must procure more aglets in order to penetrate the fractal ninjas." And that is how I came to be.
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Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (14070) - you deserved it (66822)
On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58688) - you deserved it (4910)
On 02/04/2011 at 9:08am - intimacy - by theish -
Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22761) - you deserved it (4590)
On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37326) - you deserved it (7338)
On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States
Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29269) - you deserved it (3389)
On 01/31/2011 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by yournick (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I was trying to help a very slow-witted client over the phone. After a while, I realised he was just delaying while pleasuring himself to the sound of my voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26731) - you deserved it (2827)
On 01/30/2011 at 2:25pm - intimacy - by Milly (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32929) - you deserved it (21127) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21123) - you deserved it (4124)
Today, my brother asked if he could borrow my razor, since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave. I decided to be nice and let him. When he returned it half an hour later, I couldn't help but notice his facial hair was untouched. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29005) - you deserved it (5715)
On 12/25/2010 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my 21 year old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22596) - you deserved it (4092)
On 12/12/2010 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8437) - you deserved it (31270)
On 12/07/2010 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by openmouthinsertfoot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27397) - you deserved it (3675)
On 12/06/2010 at 8:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47339) - you deserved it (6501)
On 11/13/2010 at 2:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was feeling very ill after a severe anxiety attack. I asked my boyfriend to hold my hand until I fell asleep. He said he couldn't because he needed both hands to play on his gameboy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28340) - you deserved it (5155)
On 05/23/2010 at 1:47am - love - by vikingunicorn (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (56979) - you deserved it (5118)
On 04/07/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (West Virginia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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