About TazInYourPantz : The peacock once said to the pimp, "we must procure more aglets in order to penetrate the fractal ninjas." And that is how I came to be.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Today, feeling tired, I snuck one of my wife's pills that she claims gives her super energy. I later found out it was our son's placenta, grounded up and made into capsules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30035) - you deserved it (9631)
On 04/01/2013 at 12:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38165) - you deserved it (11654)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35148) - you deserved it (11257)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14169) - you deserved it (49509)
On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version
Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37829) - you deserved it (3030)
Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12531) - you deserved it (32001) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/26/2013 at 12:02am - love - by crétin-crédule - France (Limousin)
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18311) - you deserved it (30217)
On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24968) - you deserved it (3951)
On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21048) - you deserved it (10721)
On 01/25/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by awkwardturtle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24815) - you deserved it (4788)
On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13100) - you deserved it (2301)
On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31298) - you deserved it (2921)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)
Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33924) - you deserved it (3977)
On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30801) - you deserved it (10189)
On 12/28/2012 at 10:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32015) - you deserved it (6004)
On 12/28/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Alone - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
