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Today, my boss was walking towards me screaming how she just "tired" with my bull shit. So I proceeded to tell her how much I hate her and how she should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband via her bluetooth headset. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13206) - you totally deserved it (44393)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50724) - you totally deserved it (3539)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51746) - you totally deserved it (1246)
On 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm - work - by IT_4_Hire (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived she was standing in the parking lot and she handed me a footlong sub and said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and then immediately followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (62765) - you totally deserved it (2215)
On 05/07/2009 at 6:39pm - love - by Joey (man) - United States (California)
Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML
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On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada
Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and proceed to cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37738) - you totally deserved it (3576)
On 04/30/2009 at 5:42pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33147) - you totally deserved it (11662)
On 04/29/2009 at 9:34pm - kids - by GirlinGreen - United States (Washington)
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41663) - you totally deserved it (17836)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33444) - you totally deserved it (2583)
On 04/28/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by My_Cow_kiM (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76362) - you totally deserved it (2666)
On 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm - money - by Sad (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43683) - you totally deserved it (2249)
On 04/24/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by baddream (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45452) - you totally deserved it (1564)
On 04/24/2009 at 6:23pm - health - by whatthehell (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
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On 04/23/2009 at 11:51am - work - by helen_ (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
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On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (61537) - you totally deserved it (8300)
On 04/22/2009 at 5:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
