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SwiftFaux

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SwiftFaux
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 509
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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SwiftFaux's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29709) - you deserved it (3314)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

#17301122
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32033) - you deserved it (6194)

On 07/29/2011 at 7:36pm - kids - by Username - United States

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

#17300060
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35083) - you deserved it (2500)

On 07/29/2011 at 5:35pm - misc - by Username - Netherlands (Flevoland)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

#17299203
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27231) - you deserved it (4527)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Elizabeth (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

#17299203
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27231) - you deserved it (4527)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Elizabeth (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

#17298408
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26851) - you deserved it (4577)

On 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm - misc - by someone - United States

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

#17297056
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40895) - you deserved it (3233)

On 07/29/2011 at 11:18am - work - by crazygirl12 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML

#17152929
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18402) - you deserved it (6083)

On 07/17/2011 at 7:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

#17151333
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23086) - you deserved it (7606)

On 07/17/2011 at 4:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

#17148663
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26984) - you deserved it (3881)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:01pm - misc - by Fairymyass (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my husband decided that the best way to deal with me eating the last chocolate chip muffin was to give me the silent treatment. Normally, I'd just get over his childish behavior, but we're on a fifteen hour car trip back home with our one year old. FML

#17148653
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20333) - you deserved it (4777)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by twelfinity - United States (California)

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

#17145541
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27765) - you deserved it (2686)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:00am - work - by sfabsits - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML

#17145151
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27964) - you deserved it (6613)

On 07/17/2011 at 2:24am - misc - by grenade (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I Googled my ex-husband only to find that in the years since we've split he now fancies himself as a stand-up comic. His material? Our sex life. FML

#17143306
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33935) - you deserved it (8154)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:20am - intimacy - by it_IS_just_me (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband told me that he never washes his hands after using the bathroom because he thinks it's only for "paranoid people". FML

#17140315
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25625) - you deserved it (3107)

On 07/16/2011 at 8:17pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)



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