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SweetGreyChaos's favorite FMLs
Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:25am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids
Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML
by liquid_sasquatch / 05/29/2012 at 6:40pm / United States / Kids
by blocked / 05/29/2012 at 6:24pm / United States / Transportation
Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 2:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML
by joanne / 05/29/2012 at 1:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML
by vikts / 05/29/2012 at 1:52pm / Luxembourg (Luxembourg) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 1:50pm / Netherlands (Flevoland) / Love
Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML
by brunurb / 05/29/2012 at 7:40am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML
by sopheeah / 05/29/2012 at 3:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Health
by Ella / 05/29/2012 at 1:14am / United States / Health
Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML
by The Bearded Woman / 05/29/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by SwimmingInFear / 05/28/2012 at 11:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed… Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was,… Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things…